Psalm 37:4 (NIV) Take delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.
I was in the street yesterday going from one thing to the next and somehow the food I passed was speaking to me. People everywhere were eating. The pizza, the ice cream, and the whatever wasn’t on my eating plan seemed to catch my eye. Immediately, I wanted it all. Sometimes, hunger makes food stand out. I wasn’t really hungry. I just wanted something. I might have bought a smoothie, but I didn’t happen to pass a smoothie spot. I just wanted to eat something and food options kept coming into view.
All this food and my not eating it, did cause me to think about why I eat in the first place. The truth of the matter is eating is an activity. Sometimes, it is just something to do. The other reason I eat is that I’m just plain greedy. I believe that Lord wants me to have the desires of my heart, but really — is it that greasy pizza I saw on the street?
If we did a little Oprah moment and said “What are you hungry for?” My answer would sometimes be “more.” It’s not really emotional eating. I don’t need to be sad, upset or stressed. I could be happy. I could be bored. It could be rainy. It could be sunny. I’ll just eat something. It’s a bit of a bad habit. It is also the reason I eat more than I should. Greed.
A good example of my greedy eating has happened when I’m supposedly focused on being healthy. I’ve eaten almost an entire container of ice cream while watching the Biggest Loser. At the time, I was in a good mood. I was even encouraged by the effort and results of the folks on the show. I know there are emotional reasons people eat, but this wasn’t one of those times. I was not a picture of someone curling up with the ice cream container and spoon in front of the TV. What I did was eat one serving at a time. I got up out of my seat in the living room and walked to the kitchen and scooped some more ice cream – several times. I considered stopping when I knew the bottom of the container was about to show through. Leaving some for manners as my mother might remind me. Eating all that ice cream is just greediness. Wanting what I want and wanting as much of it as possible can only be described as greedy.
So when I walked down the street yesterday, I wanted things on most days I wouldn’t consider eating. Some might say because I can’t have it on the Lenten Challenge, I want it more. Maybe. Really, I just think I’m greedy. Fortunately, this time on the Lenten Challenge is making me focus on what I eat….and why. I didn’t buy anything to eat yesterday. I decided I didn’t want to spend any money on food and to wait to eat when I got home. So, my cheapness balanced out my greediness. Well, it worked for yesterday. We’ll have to see what I do today. Since, I just check my banking account balances, it’s likely that I won’t buy any food today either. I’ll figure out how to deal with my greediness in the long term. I guess the first step, as they say, is acknowledging my problem. I’m ready for the next step.